Just a Blog

a tree in the park

2009-02-20T14:52:00.000-08:00

There is a tree in the park
It’s the home of a small bird’s nest
I don’t know if it’s a raven or a lark
All I see are the striking colors on its chest.

But its not the bird that impresses my eye;
It’s the tree; this large oak tree with branches long,
Who daily has intimacy with the dirt and sky,
Showing them its secrets, its stories, and its song

Yes there is music in the trees
Each one has its own voice and tone
Its motifs are the romance in the breeze
And raging anger in the gale’s groan.

But this tree has a different song than most
It was meant to be in a forest of his own
But he was planted alone, like a wilderness post
Tortured when other leaves to his base are blown.

His song is sad, lonely and longing for companionship
He has shaded lovers kissing for the first time,
Swung a child who didn’t want to feel his father’s grip,
And held a man who took his life…history’s greatest crime.

When night would fall he could see the lights of the city,
And could see the trees of the forest finding comfort together,
But it was silent here…not even wind to carry his song of pity.
Why had he been planted there?

One day men came and measured him with sticks
They were harsh and made him afraid.
For centuries he had stood tall but now would fall.
His many markings of every generation would be sliced by a blade.

The dawn of his morning was quiet, the air thin.
Then a young girl startled him with the most beautiful sound.
She was singing, and he knew that she sang for him
She was looking at him, their eyes met and that was enough.

He thought that it was strange that for the first time he felt loved,
She came and touched his face for the last time and took out a knife
She carved something into his body, something amongst the many,
Yet it was the most beautiful thing he had seen in his long life

There is a tree in the park,
The breeze blows through his branches one last time.
One final note in his music, heard only by his lark.
But his music, his love, and his story will forever by mine.

Heart Yearns

2008-10-07T13:31:00.000-07:00

How my heart yearns
To know what it wants.
How it years, aches, pounds
For something that has meaning
For something that has feeling.
Laughter and smiling faces,
Sadness and weeping eyes,
Emotion and satisfaction,
Lust and seduction,
Comfort and tenderness,
Unconditional love and intimacy,
Dancing and pulsing bodies with joy,
A child’s smile, an elder’s wisdom,
Living life side by side with someone,
Finding something new in every moment,
Knowing my God and His abundant love,
Seeing Him in every atom, in every galaxy.
Wonder and mystery, never satisfied
Never happy, yet always full of joy
Full of questions, full of answers
Seeing every star and pondering their names
Seeing every tree and awed by their stories.
Wondering what each could tell, what each could share
Full of memory, full of life
Full of passing from one era to the next.
How short, how fleeting life is.
It starts with crawling and crying
It continues with uneasiness in yourself;
Hoping that someone cares that you are unique.
Then ambition hits and every step is climbing the ladder.
You want to be significant; to matter
Every moment is spent trying to make a difference.
Then age catches you and the only thing that matters
Are those that saw you crawl so many years ago.
It ends with crying, hoping and wonder.
Wondering whether someone will care,
Wondering whether someone will notice you were unique,
Wondering whether those that you saw crawl will be with you.
Then it ends with a final breath, a final gasp
It ends like it began, gasping for one more breath
Gasping for one more glimpse…just one more look.
Experiencing death is perhaps the most important part of life.
It is only the second thing that we all experience:
Birth and death, the thing that makes us truly fragile and mortal.
We desperately don’t want it to end, we desperately want to delay it.
We want to add more breathes to the last one that will come.
But we know it will come, so we try to make it count
We try to make it worth it, we try to find glory,
We strive for riches, fame, acceptance and greatness.
We try to experience every pleasure we can think of,
Every imaginative experience that we can conceive we try.
But then we see it coming, and it all of a sudden become worthless.
It is in that moment that we truly know what it was that we couldn’t find.
Maybe it is because people have been seeking it, always falling short.
It’s like a storm coming in from the sea
It gets closer and closer, darker and darker.
The rumbles get louder, and the waves get bigger
Then all of sudden it gets quiet, the wind stops for a moment
And it seems that every leaf, every drop of water and grain of sand listens.
In that moment there is something that every creature, every atom strives for
It is what every human being was really looking for, what they longed for.
Every atom stops, and every sound is gone, because it feels something,
Something deep and able to be described in one word. Peace.
Let me feel like I have never felt,
Let me see like I have never seen,
Love like I have never love, and give like I have never given.
Let me know what it means to breath my first and last every day,
So that when my last day comes I will feel that peace.
That peace that passes all understanding.

2008-08-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

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lkesde flor flkesde...

2008-08-10T17:24:00.001-07:00

I always thought that being an artist was a great thing. I always thought that the singer would be the one that was given the chance to sing. I always thought that the guitar player would be given the chance to play the guitar. I always thought that being an artist was something much more than performing. I always thought that being an artist was so much more than making money. I always thought that being an artist was so much more. I thought that it was about showing truth in a way that people had not thought about. I thought that it was about showing something beautiful. I thought it was about showing something sad that only human emotions could feel. I thought that it was something that separated humanity from animals. The ability to create and show that man was indeed created to be a creator. I thought it was about showing people a perspective that could not be shown unless done through that art. I thought that without art the world would be less beautiful, it would not feel as much, it would not care as much...
it seems that i was wrong though. Because artists are the most beautiful people. They are the most charismatic people. They are the best performers. They are the best entertainers. They are those who will do what is needed to makes sales.
I am sorry for those who gave us such great art. I am sorry that they gave us such a beautiful example that no one cares about. I am sorry that their will not be anyone like them again.

Masculine Renaissance

2008-07-08T01:05:00.000-07:00

I would ask every man to look at this website and consider joining or at least becoming a pioneer in this cause. Please look at the 12 points at the bottom of the page. And please search through the rest of the website:
http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/AMIHistory.aspx

Thoughts from Europe

2008-06-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

I just spent two wonderful weeks in Europe. My first destination was Riga, Latvia. Then I spent six days in the beautiful historical city of Prague. It was an amazing time for me in these two nations. There were a lot of thoughts that i had. So i will try and communicate some of them in this blog...and I hope that you will read it to the end.
While I was in Latvia I realized a lot of things about myself that were so refreshing, encouraging and inspiring. I realized why when I was growing up, all the way until very recently, my dream was to be in the ministry. I have often asked myself how is it that I could have had that desire. Going back made those desires seem so real again. Being in the ministry over there is so different than it is here in Nashville. Yes there are some amazing people here that are in the ministry and there are so many great leaders of our religion in this city. Yet the longer I have lived here the more that desire has faded. When I went there and saw how being in the ministry is really about two things. Two things that our entire life should be about anyways: loving god and loving people. There was such a refreshing sense of trying to help people find God. Such a sense of trying to help people walk through life as a shepherd to their soul and their spiritual, physical, emotional, and relational well-being. I even found myself feeling the rumblings within my own soul to do ministry again.
Another thing that I realized as I was there was how much we (myself, friends, and community) have lost the dream of reaching people for Jesus. We are all dreamers. Dreaming huge dreams to make the world a better place. But for some reason we have become humanistic in our desires to better mankind. We want to help people and give people a voice. However, we have taken Jesus out of the picture. We seek to share god's love without ever mentioning god. We seek to better mankind without ever mentioning its only true help. I dont know why we have become like this. We try not to "over-spiritualize" things. We try and create art that is relevant and creative but shy away from, no even mock those who use the name of Jesus and His gospel. That was something that was honestly very convicting to me while I was there. People there burn, weep, crave for the salvation of peoples souls. They live to see one more life come to Jesus. There is no shame of His name, no shame of his message, and no shame of being bold enough to say that He and He alone is what I can offer you. I realized within my own heart how much I had become deliberate about doing things that were humanitarian, and effective but that eliminated Jesus. Of course you know that I very much want to be creative in how I share the gospel, create art, and live life. But someone said to me there, "I want to be radical for him. I want to be able to get to the place where I can be like Paul in saying, let me be damned if it would mean saving Israel." I thought wow...give me a heart again to see people come to Jesus. Not just better their outward live, but to preach the gospel to those who need Him. And let me run to you...yes be radical for you. I saw that when christians are friends there, they dont just hang out, have a good laugh and go home. Their spiritual lives are intertwined. They are striving together. Fighting for each other. But what made it so inspiring is that it is so not about them. It is about the dream. The dream of finding god. And the dream of reaching a world for Jesus. We WERE once like this...
One other thing that I realized while I was there is how beautiful it is to love one's country. I came to firmly believe the more I was in Europe how each person from their own country should protect their culture, land, and people. There are a lot of things that are happening in Europe that are detrimental because as a continent they have tried to implement a philosophy of open borders. There is something beautiful and extremely necessary about protecting your nation from those things that you do not want there. I talked to some people from Spain while I was in Prague, and they told me how much they were tired of people coming to their nation and living there and losing Spanish culture. I heard these same words from a Latvian man in Riga. Yes we should be open to other cultures, and visit the world. We can learn from many cultures. But there is a line that we must draw in the sand and say that this is our property. Just like we have our own houses and we dont just let anyone come into our homes or we dont all just share one big community house. And we must be patriotic of being who we are. IT is a beautiful thing to love one's country, and love one's countrymen.
So those are some of my thoughts....so many more...maybe i can write more sometime

Donkeys and Fish

2008-06-04T15:02:00.001-07:00

Donkeys and fish don't go together
Neither should we have peace forever.
Frustration comes like a hunch
Or a fighters ugly right punch.
How many Americans have had a dream?
Millions of them other than Martin Luther King
Donkeys and fish dont go together
Just like if horses had a feather.
Sit down and watch the fireworks,
Sing with a bunch of disillusioned jerks.
Then hear the knocking at your door,
And you ask what was all that crap for?

Memorial Day

2008-05-26T07:14:00.000-07:00

Today is Memorial Day. Most of us are sleeping in and doing things that are relaxing. Probably all of us are going to some kind of Barbecue or cookout. We are going to eat a lot, laugh a lot, probably drink a lot and enjoy a holiday from work, school, and most other obligations. Have we forgotten what we are actually celebrating? Are we really celebrating anything? This day is honor the thousands of men and women who have died, and sacrificed their lives for this country. I am sure the families of the fallen, who have lost their loved ones recently are not so festive and merry. It seems though that we have really lost the meaning of most of our holidays in America. Thanksgiving becomes more about stuffing oneself rather than remembering what we are thankful for and who are thankful to. Christmas becomes a craze to get gifts rather than celebrate the one true selfless gift. St. Patrick's day becomes a day to drink silly rather than remember one of history's great reformers. Memorial day is a day of remembering the fallen. It is a day of sorrowful thankfulness. I guess I have personally been convicted about this because I dont want to become a citizen who does not give praise to where praise is due, comfort to where comfort is due, and honorable silence when it is due. I just found out that when I did a little research that actually one of the things that is done for Memorial day is a national moment of remembrance at 3 p.m ET. I never knew this but i am sure most of us do not do this, or as in my case never even heard of it. So let us come back to what this holiday is truly about. Let us not forget the fallen or their families. Let us ask God for grace and mercy on them that are mourning. And let us honor those that were so young, so brave, and so honorable that they were willing to as in the words of Abraham Lincoln, "sacrifice their lives on the alter of freedom."

Libraries of Perry's

2008-05-23T09:55:00.000-07:00

One of my dreams is to have my own library. I have already begun accumulating books. I would love for all of you to recommend books to read. Anything and everything. Try to think of things that maybe people wouldnt think of. So please don't recommend the Bible, (Love it, but got it). So recommendations!

Fine arts for poor people

2008-04-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

So I decided to vent my frustration on a recent Artistic expedition. On Saturday we tried to go to the Ballet, Romeo and Juliet. We went to purchase tickets and came to find that it was $30 for relatively bad seating. To our dismay we could not offord this and had to leave. Now this bothered me for reasons that I know have nothing to do with the laws of Economics, so please dont label me an idiot. But it bothered me because I realized that due to the lack of finiances we were unable to go and see one of the great productions of the arts. I see this as a great injustice. We were art lovers going to partake in the appreciation of art and the feeding of our souls and we were turned away because of prices that we could not pay. What makes this even worse is that by the looks of the auditorium minutes before the start of the show it was obvious that it was not nearly close to being full.
How do we expect to have a renaissance of culture in our country if people like us cannot afford it? This is why I feel like Youtube should be allowed for purposes of education. Do you know how many incredible historical concerts are on there that we would have no access to? I am not saying that everything should be free, but there is a hindrance put onto people that are still trying to merely survive financially and the fine arts are once again given to the elite and the ones that can afford it. I just wish that we could make the fine arts the language of the people once again and part of that can come through making things affordable and accessible so that young professionals can enlighten themselves to the great classics of history. I am tired of having money stop people from that. I think it is an injustice.

Ode to a Peacock

2008-04-21T11:42:00.000-07:00

There was a peacock who couldnt sleep
He tossed and turned and counted sheep
But he could not find his happy place
Or find rest to soothe his pretty face

Oh you peacock, your feathers are bright
They are large, colorful, silky and light
They scare the other animals of the wild
Parents take pictures to give to their child

Oh you peacock, how we admire when you strut
Such elegance and charm only gods could construct
Look kindly on those beneath your feathers
Don't hold to yourself all your earthly treasures

Oh you Peacock, like a wild bear
Reign in your domain with care
Don't forget your long scarfs to share
Don't our imperfection to your perfection compare

What is good art?

2008-04-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

I had a very interesting conversation with some Belmont students this last week on Art. We were talking about how music is developing and what the difference is between being a someone who plays an instrument or sings and an artist. There is a difference. Just like there is a difference between things that are "created" and art. This raised the question is there such a thing as good art? Of course there are two problems that arise when we ask this question: first how do we define what is art, and second how do we define what is good?
Its difficult for me to really define what is art because it is something that is so subjective. We hear the stereotypical examples of modern and post-modern paintings where the paint was thrown or done with some kind of bizarre techniques. What do most of us say? I could have done that. Of course the illogical thing to that is that we didn't do it, but someone else thought of it. Another question that arises is must art have the intention of being art? If someone makes a chair is it art or simply someone making something? I think that there needs to be the intention of something being created to be art.
The hardest question is what is good in the context of this question? Of course this is something that is extremely subjective. But couldnt we all agree that Beethoven is good art? Rembrandt made good art? So maybe good art is only those that have stood the test of time. Making the Beetles, Elvis, U2 good art?
I would love to hear thoughts on this issue.

hopeless and wretched

2008-04-05T23:20:00.001-07:00

I am amazed at how easily it is to mess up. It seems that i fall down all the time. Sure we get back up. Try again, but how many times does god forgive and give chances? Maybe we have to come to place where we dont like our sin so much that we feel hopeless and wretched. Of course that is the problem...hating our sin. Its easy to say it when we ask for forgiveness because we know that it is what we are supposed to say and acknowledge. I dont have true it actually is in my own heart. The problem is that i do hate it. I hate it because i know that it hurts the heart of god. I know that i "feel" guilt. And as Spurgeon said, "nothing torments a man's soul like a convicted conscience." But then why do i go back? As human beings our brains are designed to avoid those things that dont feel good. Most sin doesnt even feel good in the act. Of course there is some desire there otherwise it would not be attractive. But if i know that it hurts god, i know that it torments my soul, and i know that i will not enjoy it, why do I run without question, and without hesitation? I long to be free. Free from myself. Maybe thats not a good desire, obviously putting blame on oneself must be in the right attitude, otherwise it is merely feeling sorry for oneself or self-mutilation. I want neither of those. I simply want to be free from the addiction of sin. Yes addiction because it is the only word to describe the tendency of going back again and again to the same place looking for something. I want god to find pleasure in me, to let his holy presence dwell with me. How i long to be able to have intimacy with him. I have come to understand that i am hopeless and wretched. left to myself I am simply a guide and leader to my own destruction. With my strength i am not able to fight the slightest desires. I implore the giver of hope, and the leader of the hopeless to give the strength of self-control, and the grace to be free.

You must have a name

2008-04-02T21:41:00.000-07:00

There’s a social place with many people
Laughter can be heard all around
A couple whispers loving secrets
Books and words greatly abound

You sit alone and lonely you are
You must have a story; you must have a name
Every face itself has seen in a thousand mirrors
Every eye has cried tears of pain

This morning the world wakes up
Your existence unknown and unsought
Tonight every eye will shuts in wandering dreams
You say a little prayer wishing it to be eternity

Sitting there in your chair I see your thoughts:
Will no one come speak to me you ask?
Is there no one who cares to hold my hand?
Does no one notice I don’t smile anymore?

I don’t know if tonight will let you live one more day
I don’t know honestly if I would notice if you died
I don’t know if any tears would be shed for your loss
But I do know that I saw you sitting there, and I won’t forget

Summer's breeze

2008-03-24T22:06:00.000-07:00

There is a breeze in the air that delights
All the senses both touch and sight
It smells of spring and winter’s farewell
And a stirring to find where adventures dwell

The colors of the wind mesmerize me
They seduce my soul and lead me
To the forest where the trees dance in the wind
They sway hoping to touch each others limb

Then the breeze suddenly passes on
Silence descends like mist on a pond
It leaves you frozen surrounded by trees
Afraid and in love simultaneously unable to flee

Silence comes as a woman, one who is despised today
Despised for peering into your soul, evil and good she weighs
She opens the doors of your darkest chambers
Mocking and judging your prideful arrogance

Can you hear it? The sound of Pan’s echo
His voice has seduced many a friend and foe
He calls those by their names and commands the wind
Winds with a purpose, a specific destination and origin

Oh mighty wind, your calls make me ache
Take me with you to be wild and never wake
Call my name and lead me to where trees speak
And that woman silence with me to dwell will seek

why care?

2008-03-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today about why we care. Maybe a better way to ask, and really the question that i asked was why do I care. This question can include a lot of different things. Why do i care about what people think about me? Why do i care about how people feel? Why do I care about getting to know other people when they don't care to get to know me? We uphold the great people of history that put others before themselves. Jesus spoke of being a servant and encouraged putting others first. Gandhi and Mother Teresa cared for those in who society left to die. But why? Why do we want to be like them?
The reality is that our lives revolve around ourselves. I have come to realize how terribly self-centered i am. I want to come and people to ask me how i am doing and care about my story and my life. This is not a bad desire, perhaps there is nothing more human than to be wanted and to desire to be loved. But why do we think that it is necessity for us to care for others? Why do we ask how people are and ask people about their lives when most of those people we completely do not think about and care about when we are not in their company. Maybe our conscience requires feeling like it has caused us to step outside of our comfort zone in order to make someone else feel better.
I guess I don't understand why we care...why does the need to make other people feel better cause us such great concern? Most people dont care about others. Humanity is beautiful...we truly are beautiful creatures capable of the most wonderful acts of kindness and love. But why...

Disgusted

2008-03-05T21:04:00.000-08:00

It takes a lot of guts to speak up against something in today's society. The only thing that is safe to criticize are christians and the church. Say something negative about Jews, gays, blacks, muslims, and polish and you get shocked gasps of how could you and calls of bigot. We see it in our political world as well. Everything is sacred except when one acts on the foundation of christian rights.
For some reason we have come to a place where we think that peace is the only way to go. The only way for us to behave is peaceful. What makes this even more interesting is that this "peaceful" movement is led by young people. College students and young professionals. People that have never known true war, devastation and hardship. They go about speaking about how war is evil and destructive. They weep when speaking about aggressive policies that lead to suffering. This comes from people that have never gone hungry, never held a victim of war, and never suffered the consequences of violence. I am disgusted with this. We have become desperately passive.
How i envy those who have the passion to die for what they believe! How i envy those who are willing to fight for their cause! People are stupid enough to think that peace is good always. Why do we just sit and do nothing? The heroes that we admire throughout history shook the world because they fought. Jesus included. How i long to be part of a crusade! Yes i know that evil word. There has been a castration of youth and i dont want to be part of it anymore.

Postmodernism and Arabic

2007-12-19T09:25:00.000-08:00

We are always somewhere and we are always going somewhere. Thats the story of our lives. Thats the story of history. What is amazing to me though is how we as the Christians always seem to be a step behind where the now is, and clueless on where the next stop is. Maybe this is because we hold to traditions that are long lasting and timeless. Maybe because we serve a god "who is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore." Maybe it is because we have lost the touch of the prophetic that can see clearly what the signs of the times are and what lies ahead. Jeremiah had this. He saw what was coming. He saw that destruction was coming and spoke honestly to a nation that didnt believe him. But he saw even beyond that, which is why he obeyed when God told him to buy land. He knew that down the road there would peace and therefore he got something that would benefit his family decades later.
I was talking to my dad yesterday and he was telling me about some of our family friends who are studying Arabic in College. They are doing this because they have a heart for the Middle East. It is obvious and doesnt take a rocket scientist or deep spiritual knowledge to state that the Middle East is the center of attention in our world today. But can we say that that will be the case 10-15 years from now? 20 years ago College students were studying Russian because the eyes of the world were focused on the confrontation of the Soviet Union and America. Now we focus on a new world. My point in this is that statistically there are only a few dozen American Soldiers stationed in Baghdad that can understand ANY Arabic. So if we had anticipated that the Middle East would be something important and had learned to speak it 20 years ago, we would be able to communicate far better.
The same goes for postmodernism. Now it is a hot word that people want to study and talk about. But its day is just about to pass and we are not part of the process of understanding what is coming next or better yet of creating what is coming next. My point in all this is that we should be those who understand the times yes. We should study Arabic and postmodernism because that is where our world is RIGHT NOW. BUt why not understand where our world is going and prepare for it, so that when it comes we are completely ready and can speak before Kings and Princes.

2007-11-27T17:12:00.000-08:00

Coming out of the dark
Shelter in the cold
Jesting for a tender kiss
Wanting peace
Picking fights with bystanders to be silent
Hiding in the ocean
Blue, vast, and a riddle
Awed by colors of the wind
Greeted by sunny rays of light
Lost and restless
Hearts mystery a game of cards
Prisoner in cavernous immense

Dies Irae recording

2007-11-07T16:12:00.000-08:00

There is a very fascinating link here. It is about the Dies Irae, meaning "day of wrath." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dies_Irae)The theme has been used many many times throughout the history of music, including a piece that i am writing now... BUt anyway it is very fascinating. Take the time to listen to this: http://alanbarnes.net/music/Podies_Irae.mp3

NO Speak, NO see, NO touch...

2007-11-07T15:51:00.001-08:00

"Sing to me muse...sing to me of glimpses of true beauty and song of true harmony"
I have decided to do something. I will take three days and try three experiements in order for me to not only appreciate them more but also to better understand the power behind them...
Day 1: I will not be able to speak for 24 hours. This will show me the power in the simple act of being able to speak. I will not write either.
Day 2: I will blind-fold myself for 24 hours. This will show me the power in the simple act of being able to see.
Day 3: I will not be able to touch anyone for 24 hours. This will show me the power in the simple sense of touch. Nor will i allow anyone to touch me for that time.

To war!

2007-09-14T12:58:00.000-07:00

Stalin said as he, Roosevelt, and Churchill met at Yalta, "How many divisions does the Pope have?" This was implying that he didnt care what the Pope thought because it was he, Stalin, who had the military power, not the Pope. Teddy Roosevelt said, "Carry a big stick." Clausewitz said, "War is the continuation of politics by other means." War has been with us forever. Maybe it is part of our nature to war. Is it part of the heart of God? When we read the psalms by David, who was one that God said was after his heart, we see that David describes God in very military terms. "Rise oh Warrior," "Destroy my enemy," etc. And we also see that God delighted in those that rose up to wage war on the other countries that God despised.
I remember when i was young, i would always stage "military battles" of all eras. There were the classical age battles, the middle age battles, the early 20th century battles, the modern battles, and future battles acted out. Most boys do this. Why? Maybe war is something thats ingrained in our soul...and thats not a bad thing. Even Jesus said, "the kingdom of god is advanced through Violence." Now i am not taking that out of conctext and saying that we should advance the kingdom through armies and fighting. But why have we tried to kill the warrior inside of people? Why have we tried to say that passive peace is best? Maybe God engineered us to long for war...weird. And i close with one of America's most honorable, ethical, and more godly men, Robert E. Lee, " It is well that war is so terrible - otherwise we would grow too love it." Interesting...we would grow to love it?

2007-08-19T18:56:00.000-07:00

Human beings are beautiful...terrible but beautiful

Child molester in your home

2007-08-08T15:20:00.000-07:00

I have had some thoughts lately about the issue of sex slavery and the church. These thoughts have left me searching and longing for answers. I know that god has made me a very unique individual that will think about the world in a different way and will cause change within our world. And as i have worked on the issue of slavery there has been a great conviction in me that we must create change within the hearts of men. There are many organizations and groups that help the victims and that is my heart, but what of those who are watching child pornography, molesting children, and visiting brothels? According to the AMA there is no cure for child pedophilia. So ultimately no one has any real answers to how we can change the issue except to make punishments more severe. I believe that the church must be the place that not only is the refuge for the victims, but the place where those with these issues can seek change. I had a conversation with some of my friends recently. They were telling me that they would feel very uncomfortable if they knew that there were people in their church that were dealing with the issue. They would not be able to let their children go anywhere alone, and they would always be afraid that something would happen. Now let me say that i do not have children so i therefore do not know the wait of being a father and protecting my children. But these words made me think: is the church supposed to be a safe place? My heart was saddened, because what we are saying is that we ultimately can never trust someone like that...we dont believe they can really change. I have struggled with addictions my whole life. Its something that may always tempt me. And one of the things that has always made me struggle was the thought that if people knew they would no longer be with me. I pray that the church would be a place where men that are pedophiles and child molesters could come and be set free...and that we would not shut our doors and lives because of fear. Is it scary? Do we need to use wisdom and discernment? Yes, by no means am i saying that we should be careless. But please let us be filled with compassion and not reject them. When we look at the ministry of Jesus, he went to those who were the outcasts of society. They werent just those that society shunned, they were those that society feared. Our sins are just as dark as those raping a child right now. Which is ultimately what Jesus meant when he said, "He who is without sin throw the first stone." We dont want those that have been child molesters in our church? Who do we want then? Are we now like an organization that must look at your backround before you can get in? Would you let a man that was a child molester into your home? We must rise to the occasion and deal with this issue. My heart is broken for the boys and girls whose lives were destroyed by those men. But my heart is also broken for the man who is sitting in his car right now asking whether he should do it or not. I believe that anyone can change, and that he power of god is strong enough to break any chain and any addiction and mindset. Call me ignorant, foolish, unwise, or just a utopian who is just naive and idealistic. Maybe i am, but i believe that god is as well. He has to be in order to believe in me.

2007-07-29T22:11:00.000-07:00

We are revolutionaries...
We live in passion and naivity...
We run to battle...
We smile with the battle charge...
We bleed in battles that are not our own...
We long for love...
We search for purpose and satisfaction...
We defend the defenseless...
We sweat to save the world...
Save the world that never knew us...
The world that never cared...
The world that never asked the questions that we asked them...
The world that never knew our story...
The world that never held our hand when our tears fell like rain...
The world that never felt our silent pain...
The world that never looked into our eyes and said I love you...
The world that looked at us and said you have had it good...
The world hat never listened to our cries in the dark for someone to listen...
The world that never saw us......but it needed us...
So we answered the call and we now lay dead trying to save it...
Now we say the world will weep...It will weep for us...
But no the world will not weep...
Alone lying on the battlefield...
Longing to be remembered...
Did we learn? no we will never learn...
For we are revolutionaries...passionate and naive

Let the sun rise in France

2007-07-24T22:07:00.000-07:00

There is something that has always drawn me to France. Something about her people, history, language, attitude and complexity that has always mystified and fascinated me. There are three countries that have captivated me my whole life: Russia, Germany, and France (Ironic that they were the three that opposed the Iraq war). The city of Paris has always been a city that i longed to know. The streets where Romans walked, where Anselm, Abelard, Aquinas, Lous XIV, Rousseau, Voltaire, Picasso, Monet, Debussy, Hugo, Ravel and Charles de Gaulle made their home at one time. The city of lights, the city of love. The city of violence, the city of peace. The city of man, the city of God...We have sterotyped French for a while and most is justified by their arrogance and pompous attitude. We laugh at the pride in their language, and their snooty aristocracy. Today we insult their desire for tolerance and peace. However, once they too were a great nation. And like all great nations, they cannot forget that sense of pride that alone can be theirs. A book that I think people should read is St Gregory's "History of the Franks." I hope that we will once again see their nation turn back to god and be great...but they cannot be great unless they are good. A frenchman once said that about our own great nation. May we, a great nation now, hope to not turn our fists towards god and say we no longer need and want him.
Great nations cannot escape their greatness. Russia, China, Germany, England, Israel, Persia, America, France...many more. They can't hide from it. They can avoid it, run from it, fear it, and abuse it, but it will always be awakened from its slumber. Some nations simply cannot help but lift their heads high. Charles de Gaulle says it in a sentence, "France cannot be France without Greatness."

Terrible King

2007-07-18T18:43:00.001-07:00

Day of wrath and terror looming!
Heaven and earth to ash consuming,
David's word and Sibyl's truth foredooming!
What horror must invade the mind,
When the approaching judge shall find,
and sift the deeds of all mankind.
The trumpet casts a wondrous sound,
through the tombs of all around,
making them the throne surround.
Death is struck and nature quaking,
all creation is awaking,
to its judge an answer making.
So when the Judge shall sit,
whatever is hidden shall be seen,
nothing shall remain unpunished.
What am I, wretched one, to say,
What protector impore,
When even a just person will scarcely be confident?
Remember, gracious Jesus,
that I am the cause of your journey;
do not let me be lost on that day.
My prayers are unworthy;
but you, the Good, show me favor,
that i amy not be consumed by eternal fire.
Low I kneel, with a heart of submission!
See, like ashes my contrition!
Help me in my last condition!
King of awesome majesty,
You are terrible...and beautiful

Love words

2007-07-10T11:27:00.000-07:00

My body longs for you,
I cannot sleep because I want to be with you,
Please let me in!
I cannot wait until our wedding day.
Let us go a isolated place and waste our lives in each others arms!
Whisper to me the pleasures that await me on that day,
Tell me the secrets of your heart and i will keep them safe.
My vows to you are secret love words in your ear,
You eyes make the world loose color,
Your voice makes music loose its sound,
Your touch makes the world go numb,
Your kiss make the dead rise and a moment eternity
Jesus you make me weep with love.

2007-06-24T21:54:00.000-07:00

What is one life worth? What would we spend to buy one life? What are we willing to sacrifice to help save one life? Would we do more if one act could keep everyone alive one more day? Do we really care?

Dearly I love you

2007-06-22T11:54:00.000-07:00

Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis...Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis...Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, dona nobis pacem...Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, grant us peace.

"Out of the depths I cry to you of Lord..." "Without you of Lord I am a guide to my own destruction..." "Have mercy on me O God, according to your unfailing love...Cleanse me with hyssop and I will be clean; Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Hide your face from my sins and create in me a pure heart."

"Batter my heart, three person'd God; for, you
As yet but knock, breath, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me,'and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurpt town, to'another due,
Labour to'admit you, but Oh, to no end,
Reason your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearely'I love you,'and would be loved faine,
But am betroth'd unto your enemie:
Divorce me,'untie, or breake that knot again;
Take me to you, imprison me, for I
Except you'enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chast, except you ravish me."

Take me to your heart oh God,
Show the difference between that which in me must change
And that which cannot be flawed,
For I will my weakness for your strength exchange.
Be near to me my lover,
And show me how to be near you

Do you dance with the devil?

2007-06-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

"Do you like to dance with devil in the pale moonlight?" This post might be weird. One of my favorite books is "Paradise Lost." Milton portrays Satan in a very romantic kind of way. "Romantic" being defined not as having to do with love as we mostly use it, but romantic being a quality of the epic hero of most classical, medieval, and renaissance literature. He is portrayed as someone who feels remorse, pain, and longs to have mercy. Listen to Milton as Satan cries out, "O had his powerful destiny ordained me some inferior angel, I had stood then happy; no unbounded hope had raised ambition." What is it about us that we hope and long that even the most evil character still has some good? Darth vador, Gollum, Hanibal, etc. We all hope that in the end that not only will evil be vanguished but that evil will turn to good..."Is there no place left for repentence, none for pardon left?" Now i am not saying that we should feel bad for satan...however, why are God's mercy's "new every morning" and He will "remove our sins as far as east is from west." Why does God "desire that none should parish," and "long to see his creation reconciled back to him," yet turn his face from his most beautiful angel? Were we not also those that spit in the face of God? Were we not also "children of wrath," and possessing "hearts that are desperately evil." There is something charming, mysterious, and dangerous about Satan. Maybe thats why we are fascinated with him. Perhaps it is the arist inside him, for was he not the great composer of heaven, perhaps the writer of music that would melt our hearts, for no doubt it melted the heart of god at one time...yet there is only darkness in him now. Only evil and perversion from his heart. "Farewell hope, and with hope farewell remorse: all good to me is lost; Evil be thou my good...for better to reign in hell than serve in Heav'n." But what if he repented? What if he turned to God for mercy? Would God turn him away? Would his heart not be filled with love again?

kiss my Soul

2007-06-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

"Is not a kiss the very autograph of love?" said Henry Finck. What's in a kiss? Why is it so special? Why does it mean so much? Does it still mean what poets have said of it? Does it still hold that same magic that captured the hearts of the most hardened men? Percy Shelly writes, "Soul meets soul on lovers' lips." Do my lips touching another's lips speak to her inner soul?
Intimacy...
Intimacy has been dragged through the mud and left to be mocked and laughed at by the multitudes. Forgotten and destitute. Yet we miss her... We miss her gentle and ever secure kiss. Where have you gone? Dont leave us to be like the animals of the earth. Don't leave us to ourselves...
Why do we smile when we see the couple at the end of the movie finally kiss? Why does something leap in our hearts when we see a couple kiss while sitting on a park bench? At that moment there is a certain pride that they and they alone share. Soul meets soul... Did you oh God not make man to be intimate?
Read these words of John Milton, "To the nuptial bow'r i led her blushing like the Morn: all Heav'n and happy constellations on that hour shed their selectest influence; the earth gave sign of gratulation, and each hill; Joyous the birds; fresh gales and gentle airs whispered it to the woods, and from their wings flung rose, flung odours from the spicy shrub, disporting, till the amorous bird of night sung spousal, and bid haste the ev'ning star." Creation sang its chosen song when man was intimate with woman at last.
A kiss is not something to be shared lightly. Not something to just laugh about and share with the world. My soul is uncharted and unknown. Its been said that the eyes are the window into my soul. But a kiss...a kiss is a language only understood by those who know its language. A kiss is a language that only me and those that are able to discover my soul can share. For as Judy Garland said, "Twas no my lips you kissed...but my soul."

Time

2007-05-30T22:48:00.000-07:00

I am reading Chekhov's short stories and in doing so i came across a passage that greatly interested me. The reason that i find it interesting is that all of my friends are so passionate about enjoying life and learning new things but are constantly held back by that evil fiend whispered quietly as time. But we live in the most technologicaly advanced country in the world. These countless technologies serve mainly to "make things easier and faster." Wouldnt it seem that with all these things we would have all the time that we need to read, study, and help those that our hearts are burdened for? This quote was written in 1896.
"If all of us, city and country dwellers alike, everyone without exception, would agree to divide among ourselves the work that is expended in satisfying the physical needs of mankind, each of us would be required to work perhaps two or three hours a day, no more. Imagine if we were able to invent machines to replace our work and tried to reduce the quanitity of our needs to the minimum! What a lot of free time we should have as a result! All of us together would devote this leisure to sciences and the arts. All of us as a community would search together for truth and the meaning of life, and - I am convinced of this - the truth would very soon be discovered."
I am curious what can be said of this? Computers, cars, calculators, microsoft, laptops, INTERNET...truth be found?

Melodies

2007-05-26T13:17:00.002-07:00

Tchaikovsky said, "I do not write music. The peasant in the fields writes my symphonies. The butcher writes my ballets. The engineer writes my romance songs. All i do is organize the notes." What an interesting idea from one of classical music's greatest composers. Music's greatest melodies originate from the soul of the common person. Maybe if we would listen to our own song then we would also soar like the melodies that we listen to on our ipods and cd players (or cassette players...

Bunnies

2007-05-26T13:17:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to say that my zodiac sign is the rabbit...lets be honest...am i a rabbit?

Men from Bavaria, Georgia, and North Woods

2007-05-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

So many times we try to say something politcally engaging and socially embracing
But I think that my life would be something very empty without three men that come from three completely different worlds on three different sides of the world.
Broken stories, abondoned laughter, tears of pain, and a brave vulnerability they have shared with me
They have helped me understand another side of life, culture, relationship, belief, myself and God.

Unity

2007-05-22T15:03:00.001-07:00

When did we become so independent? When did our nation become so driven to isolation? By simply looking at our neighborhoods we can see that we are desperately trying to separate ourselves from whomever is living next door. Just by hearing our attitudes in our countless churches it’s obvious that we are desperate not to be associated with church X within a hundred feet of our worship centers. Of course there are those exceptions but overall most churches want to only invest in what will make their specific church more successful just as much as this nation that I dearly love only invests in what will make it more successful. Yet…who among us is not guilty of it? We surround our lives with people that will make us stronger, smarter, more successful. I believe that we must change this and began to form a unity in the church, a unity in our city and a unity in our nation. We can look to our founding fathers for wisdom:
John Jay writes in a letter to the New York newspapers in 1787, “This country and this people seem to have been made for each other, and it appears as if it was the design of Providence, that an inheritance so proper and convenient for a band of brethren, united to each other by the strongest ties, should never be split into a number of unsocial, jealous and alien sovereignties.”

First Statement

2007-05-16T17:27:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog ever to be written. Kind of weird. I guess i have now come into the 21st century